mental health – Katie Kearns

Motivation and (di)stress

Pieces of different colored glass are fused on a clear glass plate. A right hand is holding the plate.

For the pedagogy course I’m teaching, we’re reading How Learning Works. In Chapter 4, they summarize research about motivation and the interactions among goals, task value, expectations of success, and environmental support. As mentors, coaches, and consultants to graduate students, we support their process of discernment and resourcing to support their internal motivations. We help them identify and clarify the intrinsic and utility values of a task they want to do or are expected to engage in. We help them set reasonable expectations for their success by helping them identify their existing strengths as well as needed skills for new tasks. And we are an affirming space that helps them develop a plan for connecting with additional resources and assistance. What about the fear-avoidance behaviors as part of motivation?

Wonder Woman/Wonder Women

Wonder Woman is holding open the jaws of a gigantic toothy reptile. I'm sure the reptile has a name in the comic books.

One of my best friends told me that after a major relationship breakup, he listened to music and watched shows he enjoyed before he had met that person. He deliberately reminded himself of who he used to be, and he mindfully reincorporated elements of that past self into his present self after that life transition. I’m reading Jill Lepore’s book, “The Secret Life of Wonder Woman” and planning to read the comics. And I’m watching the Wonder Woman tv show.

It’s complicated

A woman in black board shorts and a life jacket is standing on a paddleboard. She is near the end of the lake, the trees behind her are green. It's a sunny day out.

During one of “try out this new skill” SUP breakouts, another participant and I were trying to make a flotilla from our boards. “Do you work for IU?” he asked. “I just left IU a month ago,” I replied. “Congratudolences?”

The meaning of water

The view from a kayak. The bow and an oar are in the foreground, the lake and the bank with trees is ahead.

Taking that 200-level ecology course was a sliding door moment for me. It changed my life trajectory, my worldview about my own power and place, and my associations and affiliations. It was the start of a new self-narrative.

Clicky pens

a package of three BIC pens with one on the side of the container. There are four scribbles on the side: black, blue, green, and red

What isn’t verifiable is my internal experience of that class. I can still unearth the sensations from layers of quiet panic related to that class. It’s a Pavlovian experience for me; if I hear the click from that kind of pen, I am taken right in my mind and body to the sensations of being in that orgo class.

Making decisions

six pieces of blown glass of different colors - a bowl, a vase, a pitcher, a cup, a globe, an ornament.

I’m making everyday decisions with harsh critics watching over my shoulder. I act as if I have to have The One final outcome imagined with detail. What if making that one tiny decision IS the decision? The question: do I want to get these toes fixed now? Notice the question is not, will I get these toes fixed now, and who will do it, how, how will it feel, when, what if…, who will take care of.., and then what about…? Just the simple question, do I want to get these toes fixed now? The answer: yes, I want to get my toes fixed now.

This is fine

A cartoon of a yellow dog with big eyes, black ears, and black nose sitting in a chair. There are flames all around him. He has a red hat on. He's smiling. Below him are the words, "This is fine"

I am today years old in realizing the extraordinary self-doubt I feel in my capability to discern “this is fine” from “this is not fine.” I don’t believe myself to be a reliable narrator.

My dislocated toes: A thorough update

Cross legs, the left on top of the right. The toenails are painted purple. The legs are on a clay-colored sheet and blue fleece blanket. On the right foot (which is on the left-hand side of the image), the second and third toes are crooked.

I’m inviting friends to help me tend to my fears about pain, loneliness, and urgent need as best I can. I get to have new experiences of care from and with my friends. I get to expand my self-knowledge about what feels good to me. I get to learn more about the people in my community and what they like to do.

I am the snapping turtle

A loggerhead sea turtle on the beach heading toward the water

That late-summer evening in 2019, in cutting a snapping turtle free from lake weeds, I started the process of setting myself free from codependency and internalized oppressive mindsets.

The hats we wear, the masks we wear

A woman with a green surgical gown on holding a stuffed panda. She has a paper mask and a purple surgeon's hat with pandas on it. She's standing in a doorway.

We wear different metaphorical hats to reflect our roles, functions, and responsibilities with each other. To what degree do we also wear masks to manage others’ perceptions and to control our belonging?