personal – Page 3 – Katie Kearns

The hats we wear, the masks we wear

A woman with a green surgical gown on holding a stuffed panda. She has a paper mask and a purple surgeon's hat with pandas on it. She's standing in a doorway.

We wear different metaphorical hats to reflect our roles, functions, and responsibilities with each other. To what degree do we also wear masks to manage others’ perceptions and to control our belonging?

Drawn to the light

a woman in shorts and t-shirt standing in front of a short stone wall. There's a canyon behind her and colorful trees. There's a book bag at her feet.

You’re not wrong, surviving and thriving is challenging right now. And also, I want to share some beautiful things in the midst of all that.

Surrender

A road map of Illinois. There is a red flag below Champaign-Urbana.

Despite the chaos and uncertainty of my health at that moment 20 years ago, I allowed my colleague to attune to me. I allowed his protection of space around me to create our own little bubble world that was perfectly quiet, still, and safe.

This moment of letting go was completely contrary to my default way of walking through the world, where I _always_ masking myself, attuning to others, and acting as their caregiver.

Hey there, punty girl!

A blue and green swirled vase in the center of the image. It is connected to a rod. In the background is a man's legs (he's the teacher)

I earned the title Punty Girl last night in glass blowing class. My classmates harmoniously sing out “Punty” to get my attention and request my assistance. I am honored to serve the role and I enthusiastically offer my punty abilities to my glass blowing classmates. I’ve already made some Weird Al songs variations for myself: Hey There, Punty Girl and Pass the Punty.

Magic items

I have a childhood memory of owning a “Barbie suitcase.” It was a small case that could hold two Barbies and clothes, shoes, and accessories. The Barbie suitcase held the objects that mattered to me at that age and that I tended carefully. Its magic feels like tenderness, serenity, innocence, play, care, and reverence.

Glass, alchemy, and community

a glass furnace with a glowing circular hole. There's a pipe going into it with a blob of glass attached

There is differentiation at the same time there is harmony, synchrony, and integration. We call each other by our preferred names now. Without prompting, each of us has taken on a role we’re happy to do.

My first day of glass-blowing class

a woman in a t-shirt seated at a bench pulling on a red rod of hot glass. A man in a baseball hat and Holiday World t-shirt is standing next to her. There are tools and benches in the background and two other people behind them.

Everything was loud. The flames were loud, the light was loud, the heat was loud. Strangely, with all that sensory input, there was no differentiation to give me information about changes in my environment. I couldn’t hear anything else but those jets. I couldn’t see the surface of the glass. I couldn’t feel anything but searing heat on my skin. I had to draw upon internalized imaginings of the movements I had seen Ben make. I had to “feel” my way through it.

Truthtelling

Wonder Woman is standing inside the mouth of a giant lizard or dinosaur with dozens of sharp teeth. She is holding open the jaws.

Parrhesia is an ancient Greek concept of an obligation to speak the truth for common good.
Truth: Say what you know to be true
Frankness: Say all you know
Criticism: Criticize those in positions of power
Duty: Obliged to speak the truth
Danger: Speak the truth despite the risk

Cherishing wild things

Three banners go across a bundle of wild flowers; each banner has one word of the phrase "cherish wild things." The wildflowers are different colors, and there are animals among them: snake, turtle, bird, butterfly, squirrel

I should have made a plan for returning to work, both in August 2021 and again in June 2022. Guess what? The work culture hadn’t co-evolved during my leave to align with these lessons. While I had found new values and ways of being during my leave that were important to me, productivity mindsets were still the dominant force. The work detritus tried to bury me again.

Reminders during a Revolution

I’m offering this kindling in solidarity with our collective liberation from human supremacy, imperialism, white supremacy, ableism, capitalism, resource and labor extraction, patriarchy, and power over.